Not a real update, but...

I have been feeling moderately meh about dieting. Just kind of frustrated with tracking points and trying to exercise. So I decided to step back and take a look at my progress from a different angle. So, before and after photos!

The first photo from Otakon last year (July 2011) and the second photo is from two weeks ago. The first girl is squeezing into her crappy lolita dress. The second girl looks a lot more comfortable in what she's wearing.

Also, and I think this is hilarious, I was at a pub with some friends a couple weeks ago and the waitress gave me a hard time because she didn't think I was the same person in my ID. Sure, my ID photo is hideous-isn't everyone's?-but I thought I still looked like me. I suppose not. Would you like to know what I ordered after she ran my ID through a scanner and scrutinized it so thoroughly? A Diet Coke. XD

I just hope they don't give me a hard time at the hotel when I go to Otakon in two weeks!

Back to the Beginning...

It's been awhile.

I have been struggling for a little while. I've been depressed. I don't quite know how to explain, if anything because of who might read this blog. It has to do with why I ended up having to quit Faire for this season, and quitting Faire has been a huge reason for being depressed. Unfortunately, I allowed my eating and exercise habits to slide, and I just kind of shut down and hid in my room, sleeping and being listless.

But if anything, the one thing I am pretty good at is eventually bouncing back from setbacks and disappointments, even if I do tend to sound pessimistic more often than optimistic. I'm secretly more of an optimist, despite the amount of complaining I do. Because at the end of the day, no matter how often I fall on my face or embarrass myself or am told to give up, ultimately I will be far too stubborn to do so. So there. This is me bouncing back from a brief moment of melacholia.

Thankfully, and perhaps it is a testament to how well Weight Watchers works for me personally, several weeks on giving into vices did not do too much harm and now that I'm behaving myself again, my weight seems to be getting itself back on track without too much hassle. I'm going back to the beginning, taking it slow and giving myself rules. And maybe I need to sit down and compose a list of all the reasons, legitimate and vain, why losing weight is the very best thing I can do for myself.

I will say this, though. One of the things I have found to be the most self-motivating is to encourage my other friends who are trying to slim down. Anyone who has ever struggled with their weight understands how frustrating it can be at times, and sometimes, you just need somebody to say, “It's okay. You got this.” I'd like to be that person for other people. I don't know if I've successfully encouraged anyone, but I'll keep offering support until someone tells me to shut up. But I want these beautiful women in my life to know that I've got their backs in their own personal quests to get healthy.

Until next time, my loves.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Updating...

Once again, I haven't posted in awhile. I have actually been out and about and adventuring a bit lately, which is the most enjoyable sort of busy to be.

My weight loss has been slower lately. I'm around a 47-48lbs loss total. I'm not terribly stressed over not losing more. I still lost some weight, I've been exercising, and my body measurements still shrunk. Meanwhile, I know I ate Easter chocolate and birthday cake and I accept full responsibility for my nomming indiscretions. So there.

My mother told me that she has also lost twenty pounds! She's looking great!

Now that it's spring, I am trying to get myself outside to take advantage of the warmer weather. I have always been too inclined to stay inside during a beautiful day, and it's something I have been trying to change about myself. I use my weighted hula hoop outside. I go for walks before or after work. My mother and I attempt in a comically pathetic fashion to walk, or be dragged along helplessly by, our two Rottweilers. Even if I just go outside to read, mentally I still feel like it's better than sitting inside. My pasty white self is getting some sunshine.

This wasn't really anything more than a simple little update. I do intend to start making entries focusing on specific topics, and I think I should update more often than I do. I will get there, I promise.

Before I leave though, here's a recent photo, taken on March 26 in New York City. The guy in the picture is Jon Underdown, who is the singer for Fade (based in Japan) and also sings with that j-rock singer I really like in a side-project band called YELLOW FRIED CHICKENz (don't ask, because I don't have an answer). Fade was in town for their first concert in the U.S., a small charity concert in a New York City nightclub. Fade was pretty phenomenal, and I'm more than a little enamored of Jon right now. He sings pretty. And liek, OMG, he signed my YFC album.

Useless information: That's my favorite hoodie, that I got two years ago at a Goo Goo Dolls concert, and I enjoy that it fits now.

Until the next time, my friends!

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life...

Hello, all. It’s been awhile. I didn’t even realize that so much time had passed since my last post. A lot happened. Last month, my sister disappeared, as in she packed up all her belongings (as well as a few of mine, just to be vindictive), deactivated her cell phone and left, refusing to tell our parents where she was going. I can’t say that I’m very sad about it. I’m not happy that she left, but I’m not sad. I’m more than a little angry, if I had to be honest. I’m changing the subject, because it’s too easy for me to go off into a rant.

My mom joined Weight Watchers. Having someone else at home who is also on the plan makes it a lot easier to plan balanced meals. I had to be stingy with my points during the day to try to balance out dinner, and sometimes it just didn’t work out, or I would be grumpy and unhappy by the time I got home. Now, my mom plans healthier meals and is making healthier versions of recipes, which means I don't have to limit my food intake during the day. My dad is starting to make a few changes to his diet as well, but he’s stubborn. Although baby steps are still steps.

In addition to my mom, there are also a couple friends who have jumped on the bandwagon and joined Weight Watchers. Best of luck to you lovely ladies!

I am starting to get bored with working out, which tells me I really need to switch things up. It doesn’t help that the treadmill is starting to fall apart. The belt is skipping and the computer ceased to function. Thank goodness iPods have a stopwatch function! I need to look into trying some new activities. I’d love to try a dance class, but I’ll have to wait until I have a driver’s license for that. My dad and I are however actively working on it, so hopefully soon! I’m long overdue for one.

But despite exercise boredom, I have lost more than forty pounds now! Once I lose fifty, my weight will be less than 200lbs! I have been at this for nearly six months. I cannot believe it has been that long and that I’ve lost that much in half a year! I want to take another comparison photo but I have just been too lazy. The dress I wore for previous photos no longer fits and just hangs off me. I set that dress, as well as other clothes that are getting too big, aside to donate. At first, I was unsure if I wanted to donate them right away, but I think getting rid of them gives me extra incentive to keep focus. If I get off track, then I would need to buy new clothes and I don’t want to buy new size 18 pants. If I am going to spend a ton of money on new clothes, let them be smaller clothes!

My birthday is on March 16. To celebrate, this weekend, my friend, Angela (whose birthday is March 2) and I are spending a fun-filled weekend taking in entertainment, including the Murder Mystery at Mount Hope and Spamalot in Hershey. I have dear and amazing friends in both productions, so go see these shows if you have the chance! Then at the end of the month, I'm venturing to New York City to see L’Arc-en-Ciel at Madison Square Garden. So, it’s pretty much the best March/birthday month ever. Not a bad way to ring in my twenty-sixth year at all.

Here’s hoping the rest of the year will be just as fabulous.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Lymphedema.

Lymphedema is a condition in which a part of the body’s lymphatic system is weakened, damaged or missing. Due to the lymph nodes’ inability to properly drain the fluid from the affected part of the body, the limb experiences severe swelling. There are two types: primary, which is genetic, and secondary, which occurs due to accidents or complications from surgery (breast cancer patients who undergo a mastectomy are at risk of developing secondary lymphedema in their arms). I was born with primary lymphedema in my right foot and leg. Some people with primary lymphedema develop it later in life, but nope, I popped out of the womb with it. So for me, it has been a lifelong issue.

I have been lucky so far to not have any infections in my right leg, as the skin on a limb affected by lymphedema is supposedly at high-risk for developing infections. When I was younger, I just kind of treated my leg as just some quirk about my body I couldn’t help, and at least on an emotional level it still is, but now I try to be careful about wounds. I don’t shave my legs very often anymore, since I was having issues with ingrown hairs, and after reading a few recommendations, I very recently bought the Schick Intuition razor along with a ton of shave gel (sensitive skin formula too) for the occasions when I do need to shave. I am not a big fan of hairy legs, but I’d rather deal with that than a nasty infected wound. However, the Intuition razor shaves rather nicely, so perhaps I will be able to start shaving more often again.

Despite the lack of infections and the attempts to avoid wounds, my right foot is a bit of a hot mess, enough so that I never want to show my feet anymore. Due to a lifetime of being swollen and the difficulties of finding comfortably fitting shoes for an awkward foot, I frequently experience blisters across the top of my feet just under the toes. This has left that area severely callused and it has become enough of an issue for me that I finally scheduled an appointment with a podiatrist for Tuesday.

I use compression bandaging on my leg to try to keep the swelling down. Despite my doctor’s recommendation that I do not stand for long periods of time, I work at a job that does not allow me such a luxury, and the compression wraps help to reduce the amount of swelling that eight hours of standing can bring about. Sometimes, the wraps come loose and I find a trail of bandaging following me in a fashion similar to toilet paper stuck to one’s shoe. This frequently happens during a day at the renaissance faire. I do find that when I move around a lot that I at least do not have much swelling through my knee, whereas the standing in one place monotony of my job does cause a bit of misery.

Guess what? The swelling affects the numbers on the scale as well! If I let the swelling go, I can gain well over ten pounds in excess lymphatic fluid in my leg. So the limb is heavier, which makes me feel heavier, and it throws off my balance a bit having one limb that weighs more than the other. Since I am constantly standing, my weight does yo-yo a bit during the course of the week in-between weigh-ins, even with wrappings. I tend to stay off my feet when I have a day off and nowhere to go, save for working out, but as stated previously, movement does seem to help the swelling. Right now, I am enjoying a four day weekend. I can assure you that my leg will be fairly small when I go into work the next time.

TMI: Getting rid of extra “water weight” makes me need to pee. A lot. All the time. It’s kind of embarrassing, but it’s not really something I am able to help. I just hope it doesn’t end up affecting my bladder or kidneys in the long run. I will have to ask my doctor if I should be concerned the next time I see her. Until then, I just try to plan ahead and anticipate so that it doesn’t mess me up too much.

I do hope that getting myself down to a healthy weight will help the symptoms of lymphedema. I will always have lymphedema, I will never have a sexy pair of legs, and I can live with that because it is a part of my life. However, if I could find cute shoes or some winter boots that will fit and not cause blisters, that would be pretty sweet.

So that is my life with lymphedema. To give an update on the rest of my progress, my last weigh-in puts me down about 33 pounds, and that was with a moderately swollen leg. My job adopted a new dress code for the New Year, and I was able to buy my work pants a size down. I am even starting to jog a little bit, which excites me to no end. I am seeing and feeling the changes. My stamina is better. My posture is better. My confidence is better.

I feel better, and that is something to smile about.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Back on Track...

I am late, but here is my New Year’s blog!

2011 was an incredibly trying and emotionally difficult year. I have already discussed my sister’s health issues, but this past year saw my grandfather seriously ill in the hospital (thankfully he is well and healthy again as well) and the sudden loss of our five-year-old dog, Elphie, to cancer. Enough of you that read this are a part of the Faire and I do not need to mention how sad and difficult last season was for us as a group. My tendency to rarely succeed was in full swing this year. I should not be so down about that part, as my tendency to fail at finding fulfillment has been a regular part of my life since high school. Still, I hate failure and I hate that it seems to be something I am particularly good at doing. I also made significantly less money this year, after having to cut my hours for personal reasons. And money, or the lack of it, tends to make me cranky.

But I really want to let the bitterness and unpleasantness of last year go. I am better than that. I am a smart, capable woman and too often, I let fear or self-doubt or naysayers dictate my limits. And I should be the one deciding what I am capable of.

So my resolution for 2012 is simple: No excuses. Those two words are short, sweet and directly to the point. At the same time, those two words encompass all that I want to strive for: physically, mentally, hypothetically, realistically. If I think I can achieve it, then I should go for it and don’t hold back.

I have also started chanting a little mantra to myself, “thin by ’13.” I enjoy alliteration.

I derailed over Christmas weekend, finally getting irritated enough with trying to eat right that I let myself give up. I spent the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day trying to get back on track, only really successfully getting back on track on New Year’s Eve. For now, I am back on track and I intend to keep it that way. Thankfully, the scale hasn’t seen too much damage. It probably helped that I did continue to exercise, even if the food part of this whole adventure was not going smoothly.

Perhaps in my next post, I will finally get around to detailing my issues with primary lymphedema, since it too affects my weight.  I have been more aware of it since I started trying to seriously weight, and lately I have been experiencing difficulty with managing it. Considering how much this condition is an integral part of my life, I am a little surprised with myself that I have not talked about it sooner. But I am saving that discussion for next time.

2012. A new year. A clean slate. I embrace it, and hope it brings plenty of new experiences and adventures with it. (And GACKT said he’s coming to the U.S. this year.)

TO BE CONTINUED…

10%

I might actually lose thirty pounds before the end of the year. Maybe even more. I can already squeeze into the size 16 jeans that are hanging in my closet (when I started losing weight, I was a very, very snug size 18), but hopefully they will fit comfortably by the New Year. This is kind of exciting.

In any case, I have now passed the 10% mark, meaning I have lost more than twenty-five pounds. I have been fighting illness the last few days and breathing has not been so easy, but prior to getting sick, I had noticed my breathing getting easier when I walk on the treadmill, which had allowed me to slowly start trying to build up running. Unfortunately, because I have been sick, I have been set back a bit, but I am still trying to keep active, even if it means taking it at a slow pace for the time being.

The last week or so, I have started making an effort to stop eating late at night. There is plenty of dialogue out there stating that late night eating leads to weight gain. While I have been losing weight despite this bad habit, I figured it would help calm down the occasional heartburn I experience late at night. Also, when I really think about it, I only ever eat that late because I am bored or coping with stress. So far I have managed to do all right. Not eating so late has helped me to go to sleep earlier, and when I am up late, I have been keeping busy with projects.

I guess I am more motivated than I have been with this weight loss effort in comparison to previous efforts. My sister’s health issues have obviously affected me, even though my relationship with her is strained at best. I guess this time, I really, really want it and believe for once that I deserve it. Keeping this blog is helping too, because it’s given me the opportunity to develop a support system, whereas previously I tried not to advertise that I was losing weight. I thought weight loss was something I did not need to flaunt, and I am still iffy about it, but I do realize that when I talk about it and openly express my satisfaction at achieving the small goals I have set for myself along the way, I can get feedback and support. I know now that I need that. Being a non-driver, I cannot get to Weight Watchers meetings at this point in time, but should my situation change, I fully intend on going to meetings.

2011 was a very difficult year, but I’d like to think that at least I am finishing it out on a positive note. While no one can ever predict the events of their life, 2012 is ripe with the potential for adventure. I will have to work my hardest and keep a positive mindset, but the reward will surely be worth the effort.

Until next time.

TO BE CONTINUED...