Back on Track...

I am late, but here is my New Year’s blog!

2011 was an incredibly trying and emotionally difficult year. I have already discussed my sister’s health issues, but this past year saw my grandfather seriously ill in the hospital (thankfully he is well and healthy again as well) and the sudden loss of our five-year-old dog, Elphie, to cancer. Enough of you that read this are a part of the Faire and I do not need to mention how sad and difficult last season was for us as a group. My tendency to rarely succeed was in full swing this year. I should not be so down about that part, as my tendency to fail at finding fulfillment has been a regular part of my life since high school. Still, I hate failure and I hate that it seems to be something I am particularly good at doing. I also made significantly less money this year, after having to cut my hours for personal reasons. And money, or the lack of it, tends to make me cranky.

But I really want to let the bitterness and unpleasantness of last year go. I am better than that. I am a smart, capable woman and too often, I let fear or self-doubt or naysayers dictate my limits. And I should be the one deciding what I am capable of.

So my resolution for 2012 is simple: No excuses. Those two words are short, sweet and directly to the point. At the same time, those two words encompass all that I want to strive for: physically, mentally, hypothetically, realistically. If I think I can achieve it, then I should go for it and don’t hold back.

I have also started chanting a little mantra to myself, “thin by ’13.” I enjoy alliteration.

I derailed over Christmas weekend, finally getting irritated enough with trying to eat right that I let myself give up. I spent the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day trying to get back on track, only really successfully getting back on track on New Year’s Eve. For now, I am back on track and I intend to keep it that way. Thankfully, the scale hasn’t seen too much damage. It probably helped that I did continue to exercise, even if the food part of this whole adventure was not going smoothly.

Perhaps in my next post, I will finally get around to detailing my issues with primary lymphedema, since it too affects my weight.  I have been more aware of it since I started trying to seriously weight, and lately I have been experiencing difficulty with managing it. Considering how much this condition is an integral part of my life, I am a little surprised with myself that I have not talked about it sooner. But I am saving that discussion for next time.

2012. A new year. A clean slate. I embrace it, and hope it brings plenty of new experiences and adventures with it. (And GACKT said he’s coming to the U.S. this year.)

TO BE CONTINUED…